The Food Critics of the Ring
by Condor2.0
Summary: Tha Fellowship need a job. And so they pick the funniest one possible.
1. Food Critics?

**The Food Critics of the Ring**

Condor 2.0: Hi welcome to Food Critics of the Ring. For those of you who think this sounds familiar (that would be you elf)… yes, I tried to write this before but it was banned. I've already written most of the chapters, so the update should be quick all I need to do is revise the chapters and turn them into normal format instead of script format.

Disclaimer: I own none of The Lord of the Rings characters. I wish I did. (sob)

Da dad da daaaaa:

**Chapter 1: Food Critics?**

"Life sucks and is boring," said Merry to himself while he was chillin' on da' street, "I'm getting the fellowship a job." He then went into the first building he saw that had a jobs open sign on it.

Later, in the dining room…

"Life sucks and is boring," said Gimli to the others of the Fellowship, "We should get a job."

"I got us a job!" cried Merry triumphantly. When no one responded he said, "Anybody wanna hear about it?" The Fellowship started eating. Merry didn't notice their lack of attention and said, "We're going to be food critics!"

Suddenly, there was an outburst of talkage.

"YAY!" cried Gimli and Pippin.

"No fast food," said Legolas daintily.

"Which restaurant first?" asked Merry, who was, by now, very pleased with himself.

"Olive Garden," said Legolas.

"Outback Steakhouse!" called Gimli.

"McDonalds!" screamed Pippin.

"Where master wants to go," said Sam, trying to suck up to Frodo.

"Get a life," said Frodo, annoyed.

"Everybody's opinion is important so we'll have our agent decide," said Merry

Frodo booed. Sam booed. Pippin cried. Aragorn became disgruntled. Legolas covered his dainty ears. Gimli reached for a chicken leg. Gandalf didn't do much.

"Get some sleep boys we have to be there at noon," yelled Merry.

"Its 4:45!" protested Aragorn.

"Did I ask for your opinion?" asked Merry.

"No," Aragorn mumbled.

"I am to be addressed as sir," commanded Merry.

"Yes sir," muttered Aragorn. The rest of the Fellowship knew it was futile to argue and had gotten their jammies (pajamas)on and went to bed. But not Aragorn.

"Bed now!" commanded Merry.

"You suck!"

"DID I ASK FOR YOUR OPINION!"

"No sir. I'll go to bed now sir"

Condor 2.0: Is it good? Is it bad? Which restaurant should they go to? I need suggestions. These chapters might be short but bear with me. I'll update quickly.


	2. Dunkin Donuts

Condor 2.0: Hi guys. I am madly in love with french fries.

Disclaimer: Life sucks and is boring and I don't own anybody.

**Chapter 2: Dunkin Donuts**

"Wake up boys!" yelled Merry. The Fellowship all stumbled down the stairs.

"Why couldn't we just get an alarm clock?" asked Legolas.

"Its 5:00 in the morning. We don't leave until noon," whined Aragorn

"Our agent wants to meet on Da' Street us an hour in advance. Besides, somebody needs to change Gandalf's diaper," said Merry.

"I told you, I stopped wearing those last…"

"Let's eat," said Frodo

"I'll make the fried meat," grumbled Gimli, "Who wants some?"

"MEEEEEE!" screamed Pippin.

"I'll make the oatmeal," said Gandalf, "Who wants some?"

"MEEEEEE!" screamed Pippin.

"I'll make the…"

"NO!" screamed Sam, interrupting Frodo, "I'll do it. Who wants some?"

"What ever your making, MEEEEEE!" screamed Pippin

"I'll make the rice cakes," said Legolas, "Who wants some?"

"Ew but MEEEEEE!" screamed Pippin.

Later, on Da' Street…

The Fellowship had all parked their cars, and despite violence between Gimli and the hobbits, everything was going as planned.

Condor2.0: No I'm just kidding, everything currently sucked.

"Uh… um… hello? HELLO! _Hello!_" said Merry for the fifth time.

"Merry can you like, stop yelling because this is totally ruining my manicure."

"Shut up pointy ears, it's not my fault our agent is fifteen minutes late."

"Aren't you the agent?" asked Gandalf.

"Oh… yeah I… yes I'm the agent. To dunkin' donuts!"

Dunkin' Donuts 11:20

"Alright boys here's the plan," said Merry

"Why do you call us boys?"

"Stop asking stupid questions fool of a Took," said Merry.

"That's my line," said Gandalf.

"Oh yeah, well at least I don't wear diapers," said Merry, "Here's the lineup. Gandalf, coffee. Gimli and Pippin, the really big doughnuts. Aragorn, doughnut holes. Frodo, Sam, Legolas, and I will try all the other doughnuts and stuff.

Reviews:

Gimli: I would have been happier if the hobbits hadn't been STABBING ME IN THE BACK WHILE I WAS DRIVING TO DUNKIN' DONUTS! Hairy little creeps. 2 stars.

Legolas: Yuk yuk yuk. To fatty and crappy and frosted. No stars.

Pippin: FIVE STARS. YUMMY

Gandalf: java java java java java java java java java. (Five stars.)

Aragorn: Not bad but not quite up to my standards. Two stars.

Frodo: Not good. There were "anti-obsessed ring bearers (Gollum)" signs so I'll give it one star.

Sam: Whatever Frodo said.

Merry: Three stars, not bad, I only wanted to come here because I needed a doughnut.


	3. OutBack SteakHouse

Condor 2.0: Hi all my peoples. (Even thought I only have one. Love ya' Elf.) Welcome back to THE FOOD CRITICS OF THE RING! (DUN DUN DAAAAA)

Merry: Shutup we're on a tight schedule.

Condor 2.0: Sorry.

Disclaimer: (quickly) I don't own the Fellowship!

**Chapter 3: The Outback Steakhouse**

The Fellowship's house 5:00 p.m.

Alright I got to choose a place," thought Merry, "I'll let Gimli choose next.

Merry walked outside to find Gimli who is hosing down his chariot singing:

Washing all the blood outta my car. Most off it's mine but some of it's not and here's Merry."

"Gimli it's your turn to choose a restaurant. Pick a number between 1 and one."

"WHAT! That's just the same number spelled in two(2) different ways."

"Fine I'll pick. One. Yay I picked the outback steakhouse."

"Yeah okay."

The Fellowship's house 12:00

Gimli is chomping meat. Legolas is nibbling lembas. Sam and Frodo are doing the same thing. (gasp) Gandalf is grinding food with his teeth. Pippin is umm… yeah. Merry stands up.

"We're going to Outback Steakhouse tonight!" he yelled.

"We are?" asked Gimli.

"YAY!" cried Pippin.

"I HAVE TO PRESERVE MY FIGURE THOUGH!" said Legolas.

"Outback, Huzzah!" said Aragorn, "back to my home terrain!"

"Idiot," said Merry, " You're the king of Gondor, you don't live in the woods!"

"So?"

Da' Street 3:00 p.m.

"Okay I call seafood," said Merry, "Seeing that I'm not all that hungry.

"I call random food," said Pippin.

Gandalf: Seafood.

Gimli: Meat.

Aragorn: Beverages.

Legolas: Salads.

Frodo and Sam: We'll finish everything.

Frodo and Sam: Get a life.

Frodo and Sam: SHUTUP LOSER!

Outback Steakhouse 5:30

"Mm mm good," said Gimli.

"Yes I'd like my piano with salsa," said Aragorn, who was either drunk, or who had just had way to much beer.

"Never heard of the King of Gondor getting drunk," muttered Gandalf.

"Yes," said Legolas, "but I've noticed the Stewards have serious problems when it comes eating without being extremely sloppy."

"Let's go."

They all leave except Aragorn.

"Hey guys wait up," said Aragorn drunkenly. Aragorn runs into the door. Legolas and Gimli open the door and drag him out.

Reviews:

Gimli: 1. (one) I wasn't hurt while driving. 2.(two) Mm mm good. Five(5) stars.

Merry: Not bad. The salmon was crappy. Three stars.

Aragorn: I felt terrible in the morning so I must have loved it. Four stars.

Gandalf: No comment. Three stars.

Pippin: FIVE STARS! YUMMY!

Frodo: Good. Four stars.

Sam: What Frodo said.

Legolas: Four stars. All of the meat free salads were really good.

Condor 2.0: Did ya' like it. I did. I need restaurants I need jokes I need reviews.

Standings

2nd Dunkin' Donuts 62

1st Outback Steakhouse 73


End file.
